WANTED: Hair Stylist With Tree Extension Experience

guest blog by Nila Ridings

If hair can be lengthened how about trees?

Quick! We need tree extensions in River Grove at Merritt Island, Florida before Pat Fitzgerald rips his Magnolias from the earth! His HOA is fining him $5000 because a couple of Magnolia trees he planted were too short. He’s already spent $1500 in an effort to mediate this idiotic dispute. Miracle Grow doesn’t work fast enough for this HOA board.

So, kiss those trees good-bye, Pat. Don’t you know you’ve destroyed all the property values in your neighborhood?

That’s right, Richard Rahn of the River Grove HOA board says Pat’s short trees have got to go! Yes, go! Not grow! I’m thinking things were better when board members didn’t make public comments. Because now that this board member has spoken out, HOAs everywhere should change their by-laws requiring elected officers to have an IQ of at least 50!

Pat never dreamed his military service during The Gulf War was going to be matched by the danger of growing trees in his front yard. But insanity never ceases to exist in HOAs!

Oh boy! Will it ever end?

(click here for KMBC story)


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Ward Lucas is a longtime investigative journalist and television news anchor. He has won more than 70 national and regional awards for Excellence in Journalism, Creative Writing and community involvement. His new book, "Neighbors At War: the Creepy Case Against Your Homeowners Association," is now available for purchase. In it, he discusses the American homeowners association movement, from its racist origins, to its transformation into a lucrative money machine for the nation's legal industry. From scams to outright violence to foreclosures and neighborhood collapses across the country, the reader will find this book enormously compelling and a necessary read for every homeowner. Knowledge is self-defense. No homeowner contemplating life in an HOA should neglect reading this book. No HOA board officer should overlook this examination of the pitfalls in HOA management. And no lawyer representing either side in an HOA dispute should gloss over what homeowners are saying or believing about the lawsuit industry.

1 thought on “WANTED: Hair Stylist With Tree Extension Experience

  1. Dave Russell

    Unbelievable! Maybe the pharmaceutical companies can find a new drug for this “HOA Nazi Syndrome.” Or possibly the AMA can do some clinical research to find the cause and cure for this syndrome, that takes seemingly normal people, and turns them into nincompoops.


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