Frivolous. Idiotic. Probably Partially Insane.

Yes, sometimes I like to take my mind off of the national scam known as Homeowners Associations. But this is one of those rare departures you may always remember. You’ll make fun of me, of course, but it’s just a weird thing that occurred to me during a recent long, boring spell.

You’ve heard all the stories, of course, of Homeowners Associations that try to restrict your rights in incredible ways:  A Miami condo association that will sue you for ‘improper and offensive cooking odors’, e.g., cooking in a wok. And there are all those HOAs that have fined, liened or foreclosed upon homeowners who’ve tried to set up a backyard barbeque.

So, yes, you really can lose your home because of the wrong kind of cooking.

Which all leads to one of the most bizarre dinner parties I’ve ever had. Fortunately, the guests were mostly family. But if you ever try the following recipe, you’ll never do it another way!

Get two slices of aluminum foil about 24 inches long.

Take a fresh salmon steak, about a half inch thick and place it on one of the pieces of foil.

Squeeze an entire half of a lime over the salmon steak.

Put a pat of butter on the salmon.

Liberally sprinkle the salmon steak with salmon seasoning, garlic powder, salt, pepper, lemon/dill, chili powder, oregano.

Wrap the salmon steak, envelope style, in the aluminum wrap.

Turn the packet upside down, and wrap it again, envelope style, in the second sheet of foil.

Put however many salmon steaks you’ve prepared on the top rack of your dishwasher. Run the dishwasher through its entire regular cycle.

When the cycle is done, open all the foil envelopes and serve to your guests. It’ll be the best, most tender salmon you ever tasted!

Just don’t use that nasty wok. Or the barbeque. They’re too ethnic.

 

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About

Ward Lucas is a longtime investigative journalist and television news anchor. He has won more than 70 national and regional awards for Excellence in Journalism, Creative Writing and community involvement. His new book, "Neighbors At War: the Creepy Case Against Your Homeowners Association," is now available for purchase. In it, he discusses the American homeowners association movement, from its racist origins, to its transformation into a lucrative money machine for the nation's legal industry. From scams to outright violence to foreclosures and neighborhood collapses across the country, the reader will find this book enormously compelling and a necessary read for every homeowner. Knowledge is self-defense. No homeowner contemplating life in an HOA should neglect reading this book. No HOA board officer should overlook this examination of the pitfalls in HOA management. And no lawyer representing either side in an HOA dispute should gloss over what homeowners are saying or believing about the lawsuit industry.

2 thoughts on “Frivolous. Idiotic. Probably Partially Insane.

  1. Nila

    Except for hang gliding and sky diving, I’ll try just about anything once. So, I cooked wild Alaskan salmon your way in the dishwasher. Yum; moist, flaky, and oh so tasty. What’s for dinner? Salmon a la Lucas!

    Reply

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