Wellington Colorado, where Dullness is King but the Bird-Brains Rule
There’s not much to do in Wellington, Colorado. It sits on the dusty plains of Eastern Colorado on the border with Wyoming, surrounded by corn and sugar beet fields. It’s an inordinately boring town that features a couple of local coyote packs, a small school, and an occasional June tornado that rips off some shingles and sometimes tips over an unwary cow. Sometimes a high school scandal erupts about which girl is going to be going away for little while to resume her high school education at another school or other time. Such high school diversions have caused titters and tutters among the local townsfolks for generations. It’s none of their business, of course, but in a small town such things are everyone’s business. Damn the nosy, but that’s about all the outrage that can really be raised.
In recent years, some out-of-town land developers speckled the dusty landscape with several Homeowners Associations, little knots of elbow-to-elbow houses bound together with gallons of beige paint and criminally restrictive neighborhood covenants.
To break the monotony of the Wellington winter, homeowners Davin Armstrong and Amber Hersh put up a Christmas light display on their home, which by now has attracted every resident of Wellington at least twice. It’s not as extreme as the Christmas display once built by Clark Griswold, Jr., but it’s eyecatching and attractive and a wonderful break from the small town boredom of Wellington.
But surprise, surprise! Davin “Griswold” Armstrong is now being threatened by his Homeowners Association! The small town gossip grows anew. Remove the Christmas display immediately or face fines, humiliation, and probably confinement in the local pillory and stocks.
It seems that the HOA covenants left behind by those frisky land developers permit only three lawn ornaments per home, not the 23 that “Griswold” Armstrong has installed.
If ever there was a reason to refuse to live in Wellington, Colorado, you’ve got it. Not even the Christmas Grinch would find this town to his liking. It just doesn’t respect the rights of the individual to be different or unique. It doesn’t permit privacy to be a personal privilege. Those who live in Wellington, Colorado deserve to live in Wellington, Colorado. God Bless them all. God protect them all.
Ward Lucas
Author of
Neighbors At War: The Creepy Case Against Your Homeowners Association
