Category Archives: Animals

MaryJane! Coming to an HOA House Near You!

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Whew, the webs we weave when first we practice to deceive (Sir Walter Scott, 1808).

Now that marijuana for medicinal AND personal use has been legalized in several states, grow operations are bound to be taking place very near you.  A next door grow-op will certainly affect your property values, right? And a Homeowners Association will make sure that never happens to you, right?

Wrong, Bunky. One of the biggest lies in American life is that your Homeowners Association protects your property values. There’s not a scientific study in the nation that shows HOAs protect property values. And there are lots of studies that show HOAs  crash property values (think Trayvon Martin’s neighborhood!).

But the growers of grass, weed, Hawaiian black, Indian hemp, jolly green, wacky weed, are looking for a safe place to grow theirs. The safest place in the world is a private home right smack dab in the middle of a Homeowners Association. They’re usually pretty safe. And if they’re not growing ‘skunk’, you’d probably never even notice.

Surely your HOA will protect you against such things as illegal next- door grow-ops. But…if they don’t? How are your property values will do once the police raid gets publicized?

http://tinyurl.com/lxxzd6e

Doggie DNA! How Crazy Have We Gotten?

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It had to come sooner or later, swab your doggie’s cheeks and turn it over to the HOA. They’re going to trace each ‘doggie lawn ornament’ through the DNA lab and then fine the doggie’s owner for what wasn’t picked up.

Life gets so strange. We have on record an HOA president who ordered all homeowners to have their dogs take a dump on one specific homeowner’s yard. (Vengeance?)

But now, HOAs across the land are forcing dog owners to swab their doggies’ cheeks and send the Q-Tips off to the DNA lab. Then any dog who makes a ‘donation’ will have his ‘donation’ inspected for a DNA match. And the dog owner will then face a huge fine, attorney’s fees collection costs, interest, possible lien, foreclosure, and a sale of the home at auction.

“What hath God wrought?”  (Numbers 23:23)

http://tinyurl.com/l9wmd7x

 

Over The Shoulder Boulder Holders Blowin’ In The Breeze!

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guest blog by Nila Ridings
 
I can see em’ now.  Brassieres, boxers, briefs, granny panties, string bikinis, and jock straps—vibrant colors, florals, hearts, race cars, and stripes all environmentally drying in the faces of the neighbors!
 
If only I lived in AZ,CA, CO, FL, HI, IL, IN, LA, ME, MD, MA, NV, NM, NC, OR, TX, VT, WI, or VA!!!  I would have the longest clothes line you’ve ever seen.  My neighbors who video my every move would have something worthwhile on their tapes.  And their cronies would be running off to the cardiologist to up their dosage of beta blockers.
 
HOA members in these states, please UNITE!  Start saving on dryer energy today!  It’s the ONLY freedom you’ve got!
 
 
 

Fair Housing Law Be Damned!

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One of the few ways that Homeowners Associations consistently lose is discrimination against the disabled or handicapped. Still, in HOA Amerika it’s all about intentionally violating the law because the disabled generally don’t have the money to fight. Occasionally HUD will move in and assess massive fines against an Association. But even that hasn’t made much difference.

The story linked below is about an elderly Florida woman, Claribel Ruiz, who has crippling anxiety and depression. Her doctor advised her to get a companion animal, a Chihuahua which has become a life saver for her.

“Not so fast!” said the Chancellor Hall Condo Association. “Dogs aren’t allowed. We don’t give a flying fig about the American Disabilities Act. Get rid of your dog or we’ll do it for you!”

Claribel’s dog is a registered therapy dog and she even gave her HOA the doctor’s prescription for a therapy dog. The HOA’s attorney then demanded that Claribel surrender all of her medical records to the Association. She refused and finally told the Association that she would give up her dog.

“Great!” said the Association. “That’ll work, but only as long as you pay all of our legal fees!”

As this blogger sits here reading this poor lady’s story, three things stand out: The woman is single, she’s elderly, and her last name is spelled ‘Ruiz’. That’s three strikes, right there!

Where’s HUD help when someone really needs it?

Shame on Chancellor Hall Condo Association.

http://tinyurl.com/n3be6on

 

Backyard Chicken Wars

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So strange to think that a whole movement would begin around the subject of backyard chickens. In our American frontier, no one would give a second thought to a hen or two laying eggs for the family. But things have changed. Chickens are about as welcome in most neighborhoods as ticks on a picnic blanket.

Still, there really is a movement to convince city councils everywhere that chickens in the backyard can actually be a good thing. In fact, another small town in Colorado has just approved it.

Another strange thing is that chickens are often more frequently welcomed in city, not rural neighborhoods! They keep down pests, they supply eggs, and if there are no roosters around there’s not much noise. (Funny how it’s always the men who are life’s troublemakers!)

Ah! Don’t even think about chickens in the backyard if you live in a Homeowners Association. No, the neighborhood lawn Nazis want your lawn fertilized with strong chemicals, not natural things like chicken manure.

http://tinyurl.com/lyalg9q