The latest neighborhood nastiness comes to us from Newport News, Virginia and the Kiln Creek Homeowners Association. Eight years ago Bill and Janeth Garlette built a koi pond in their backyard. And for eight long years the HOA has approved of their pond and their various gardening improvements.
All of a sudden, a new HOA board has hit the couple with two dozen alleged violations of neighborhood covenants. The couple’s attempts at fighting the allegations were futile, so Garlette ripped out the koi pond and razed the backyard to bring it into compliance. But even that wasn’t good enough, and the HOA has filed a 300,000 dollar lawsuit.
Yes, there are allegations of death threats back and forth between the Garlettes and a neighbor who they think instigated the HOA lawsuit. And yes, the Garlettes say they are now officially out of money.
HOAs claim they were set up to protect property values. But this is one neighborhood where property is going to be very difficult to sell.
Kenneth Torrence is a Palm Beach sheriff’s deputy. His best friend is his mixed breed dog, Sasha. But they both have the misfortune of living in the Whispering Woods of Palm Beach Homeowners Association. Kenneth and Sasha have lived there for two years with no problems.
Suddenly, a newly elected HOA president, Maria O’Connell, says Sasha is a pit bull and has to go. In fact, a letter sent by Castle Management LLC says, “If you do not take action to resolve this violation within (10) days of the date of this letter, the Association will have the work performed, with all costs charged to your account.”
What are they planning??? To steal his dog? Put her in the animal shelter? Euthanize her?
Animal activist Maria Rivera says Sasha isn’t a pit bull. In fact, a DNA test showed she’s a mix of five breeds. Besides, Rivera says, other neighbors and their dogs like Sasha. The only one who doesn’t is Maria O’Connell.
Torrence says he’ll take it to court. Initial legal costs will be around $30,000. But just wait and see what happens when the HOA pulls in its insurance-backed legal team to beat up on the deputy. That 30,000 will be nothing more than seed money.
I say, Kenneth, pack up Sasha and move! Make a donation to the local animal shelter instead of paying for another vacation home for the HOA attorney!
Oh, my sides still hurt from the hilarity. Linked below you’ll see a very short and amazingly insightful video from an HOA critic who is, as yet, unknown. If I can learn his identity I intend to send that person an autographed copy of my book to show my appreciation.
This fellow obviously lives in an HOA, obviously has been hassled over his holiday decorations, and obviously keeps up with current news events.
And if one of you can figure out who this fellow is, I’ll also send you a book autographed to whoever you want, a neighbor, a Congressman, an HOA board member.
As a matter of fact, we need to keep the humor going. Anyone who sends me a photo or piece of video that needs to be circulated to followers of my website, please feel free to do so. If I end up using your video, you’ll also get a free copy of Neighbors At War in the mail!
Since becoming the sole caregiver of a loved one a few years ago, I’ve had to spend a little time in the kitchen trying to learn to cook. I passionately hate cooking. Recipes always seem suspiciously like the semester of chemistry I flunked in high school.
But in the past few years I’ve been amazed at the number of folks who know nothing about paper bag-baked turkeys.
My mother, God rest her soul, didn’t know any other way of cooking a turkey. You basically prepare the Thanksgiving bird in your favorite way. Open a brown paper bag, grab a stick of butter with your hand and smear it all over the inside of the bag. Then slide the turkey in and tightly seal the bag.
No, the bag won’t catch fire. And after the appropriate time in the oven you’ll taste an incredibly moist turkey.
Speaking of shopping bags, communities around the country are beginning to pass laws which essentially fine shoppers who ask for paper or plastic. But I promise you this: You cannot cook a turkey in a canvas reusable bag. Buttered or not.
In my new book, Neighbors at War, I delve deeply into the lust for power and how easy it is for seemingly normal homeowners to go crazy when they get their first taste of power over their neighbors. We’ve seen it among Nazi prison guards, we’ve seen it among those who guard our jails, we’ve seen it repeatedly in double-blind science experiments.
“Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely.” (Lord Acton)
But Pennsylvanians, shattered by the recent “Cash for Kids” scandal are still trying to wrap their minds around this one. Two former judges, Mark Ciavarella and Michael Conahan, reportedly accepted millions of dollars in bribes from privately owned juvenile detention centers for sentencing thousands of juveniles to those institutions. “Good Lord!” you say. “Impossible!”
When you put someone into a position of power in your neighborhood, be very, very suspicious of that person. Never let down your guard. In our current system in HOA Amerika there are no checks and balances. None, whatsoever. There’s no court of last resort. There’s no Due Process. In the vast majority of Homeowners Associations there are few records, poor accounting, often no audits. Our board members have complete and total power over our lives. We try to pretend that board members are fiscally responsible for how they govern. But they really aren’t.
