HOA neighborhoods are sometimes so sterile they look like Army Basic Training barracks. I’ve been there. I went to Basic. And I can just see military trainees in khaki walking through these bland neighborhoods picking up cigarette butts. Sometimes the best way to describe the actions of HOA lawn Nazis is the old Disney tune for the Mickey Mouse Club TV show. Here’s a case where it’s more than appropriate.
Timber Creek Homeowners Association, Yulee, Florida. When Rachael Dennis moved into her new home five years ago she started getting hammered with violation notices and fines by the board. Damaged mailbox. Trash cans in the wrong place.
Rachael, a big fan of Disney, put in some circular flower beds in her front yard. If you’re flying in a hot air balloon over her house you might notice that three of her flower beds have a vague resemblance to a certain cartoon character. The Timber Creek HOA bullies went ballistic. HOA Nazis hate it when they’re made fun of.
So, they’ve hit Rachael with another violation. She can have circular flower beds. But they just can’t touch.
Folks, some of these things you just can’t make up.
We’re back in Saint Louis, Missouri where homeowners are in the midst of a very heated battle.
Some are saying it’s over skin color. Others say it’s the barking dogs. A few think it’s the criminal history. Whatever it is, it’s heating up.
These folks live in an HOA. Personally, I do not see where the HOA should even think of getting involved in this battle.
The black lesbian lady with the four barking dogs has the NAACP and experienced Ferguson protesters backing her up. She has served time in prison for a murder-for-hire on her ex-husband. And that plan failed because her cousin was the hired killer and he ratted her out to the police. Somewhere along the way she acquired the barking dogs that are keeping the neighbor awake at night. She is also being accused of punching the neighbor lady in the face and leaving her with a swollen lip and bloody nose.
I see HOA involvement as nothing more than a promise to destroy the bank accounts of the homeowners. Others think they should enforce the CC&Rs of no more than two dogs per household. I still say stay away from this battle.
And for the lady who can’t get any sleep, I suggest a white noise machine with earplugs. You’ll never hear the barking dogs but be sure you have a number of smoke alarms in your house so you would hear them if there’s an emergency.
As the battle rages on, I will be watching from the sidelines.
I should charge money for psychic readings! It was four or five years ago that I began predicting the advent of drones and that they would eventually be cheap enough for the boards of Homeowners Associations to start using them to inspect the most private part of your property. Your nude sunbathing or hot tub trysts could be played on the TV set at the HOA clubhouse and you probably wouldn’t win a legal case.
Well, so far I’m batting about 90% so far. The drones are here. They cost as little a four hundred bucks. And they’re popping up in thousands and thousands of places. Realtors are using them to advertise homes and neighborhoods. Terrorists are using them to interfere with commercial aircraft. Voyeurs are using them to videotape you and your lover on the backyard blanket. The FAA only controls drones in airspace over 1000 feet.
Privacy? Fugeddaboutit!
There’ve been a number of cases where homeowners have shot drones out of the air. The shooters usually end up being arrested and jailed. But it’s a whole new area of developing law and will probably take a decade or more to resolve. In the meantime even if a jury finds you not guilty you will have expended hundreds of thousands of dollars on legal fees.
This one is huge, and it’s developing right now in Colorado.
A Homeowners Association in Vail is being sued because one of the supervisors in the management company was a jerk who was mistreating female Mexican workers. The Feds are now suing both the management company and the condo association.
I’ve owned two ski condos in that same area and I never had a clue who the management company was. I did get dinged a couple of times when I tried to change the locks on my doors. The management company bored through the locks, changed the door handle and charged me for their work. Yes, I was p.o.’d about that and it was one of the reasons I finally dumped the condos when the market improved.
But what if a federal EEOC sexual harassment lawsuit/judgment happened while I was still an owner? I could have been hit with a 10 to 50 thousand dollar special assessment for something I had zero knowledge about. Most Vail condos are owned by average people in Denver who just want to ski a week or two a year and rent them out the rest of the year to make the mortgage payments.
Incredible that completely innocent homeowners or condo owners could be financially ruined by this kind of thing.
Ah yes, an untold number of people have lost their homes to bully Homeowners Association boards. But there ingenious ways to survive without money. Witness what you can do with an abandoned Walmart cart. With this you can lounge in comfort under a bridge.
