Blue State Blues
Ever since I started using this website to try to hawk my book, Neighbors At War, I’ve been told by well-meaning friends and relatives, don’t ever attack Oregon. That state is so Blue it has a built-in guilt complex. Personal guilt hangs so heavy in the air in Oregon that these blue state leftists walk around in their hair shirts (see self-abuse by Monasteries) and lash their own backs with whips. It’s not the rainy weather that depresses them, it’s the load of guilt on their shoulders. I was promised I would never find a case of embezzling from neighbors in an Oregon Homeowners Association.
I should have obeyed my instincts. My heart tells me that mankind is desperately wicked and that all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God. I was right. My Oregonian friends (God love ’em), were wrong.
Comes, now, an attractive young fellow named David Kobbeman. The newspaper headline doesn’t mince words…. “Sentenced to 48 months in prison.”
There’s no way of telling how many widows he made penniless by embezzling a half million from his HOA. No way of telling how many bright-eyed youngsters will now not be able to afford college. And no way of telling how many sick babies might have found medical cures if their parents could have sold their homes and belongings to pay for new treatments.
The maddening thing….the damnably maddening thing I learned in my forty years as an investigative TV reporter is that the felons who have the absolutely most fun in federal prison are con-men. They are the king of the heap. Every criminal looks up to the con man. Every bank robber and baby molester makes a pilgrimage to the con-man’s cell. He IS THE KING! The con-man is KING OF THE PRISON! He gets the best food, he gets the first cigarettes, he gets the best women!
Oooh, I guess I might have said a little too much, there. But yes, the con man gets the best women. Are there women in prison? That’s one of the secrets you learn if you’ve spent any time with a buddy who did a sentence at Lompoc or at another low security prison. If you’re high up in the ranks of prisoners, if you’re a con-man, you’re the warden’s good buddy. And yes, you’re occasionally taken into town to meet the ladies. And that warden wants to be seen around town with you.
Bottom line: spend your time swindling money from widows and orphans. When you’re jailed you be assured of having the best damn vacation of your life.
Believe it!
(Ok, now here’s the straight unvarnished, sanitized news:)
