Category Archives: Duck Dynasty

The Saddest Story

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OK Bunkie, I realize you haven’t always been tight with your old Gramps. I realize we’ve had some differences, and sometimes you just thought I wasn’t very smart in the ways of the world. Sometimes I’m wrong, I admit it. But sometimes you’re wrong and you should admit it.

So, Bunkie, pull your chair up real close and listen even if this is that last time I ever get to try to share some wisdom with you.

Remember when you said that buying your own place was the best investment you could ever make? Remember when I tried to talk you out of it? You said you’d take your grandma in as a  roommate to help you pay expenses?

But she died and now the HOA won’t let you have another roommate. They say it’s their decision and you can’t stop it. They’re telling you the only way you can stop it is to take them to court.

Bunkie, don’t fall for a sucker’s game! They know they’re going to win. They know that even if you win a decision in court, that court case will have cost you a quarter million dollars.

Sweetie, please listen. When you bought your condo you chose to live under a Communist form of government. I’m not trying to be overly dramatic. Those are just the facts. For the first time in our nation’s history you can make a conscious decision to join a totalitarian political party. It’s sneaky. But it’s all built around the illusion of home ownership. You gave up your rights to be an American and you can’t get them back.

Please don’t cry, Sweetie. It’s just a strange time in our history where the decisions you make really do mean something.

(How much is that condo worth now?)

 

May They Forever Rot!

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Don’t you just hate it when an HOA or condo board shows its arrogance by taking aim at a desperately handicapped person and rubbing her face in her own personal tragedy? There are no words strong enough to quell my anger when an HOA bitch-slaps a disabled person. “Gee whiz, sorry you’re so disabled. Maybe you should just go live downtown.” Those are the exact words used by my own HOA president when my wife was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a number of years ago. That was long before such comments were legally actionable under federal law.

The latest such attempt at beating up the disabled happened in Florida’s Sabal Palm Condominiums of Pine Ridge in Broward County. Homeowner Deborah Fischer, who had long struggled with MS, wanted permission to keep a service dog.

“Hey Babe, you’re not disabled enough! Prove we’re wrong by producing every one of your medical records from birth and beyond. And BTW, even with all that documentation we still won’t approve your dog. And furthermore, we’re going to sue you first to remove your handicapped butt from this HOA!”

Of course, that kind of conversation could never take place. Could it? In this day and age? Naw.

Well, I’m only writing these words tonight because that’s exactly what happened in this gem of an HOA. A federal judge hammered this Homeowners Association with a massive fine and the harshest possible language. This HOA’s lawyer should be serving a lengthy prison term for criminal malpractice.

(link to additional details)

 

 

Starting a New Month

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OK, some straight talk, here. We have a ton of people coming to this website. Those people are reading an average of 250,000 to 300,000 pages of our material each month. BUT THAT DOESN’T CUT IT!

Those of you who’ve read my book, Neighbors At War, know that it has a tremendous amount of important material that never makes it onto this website. You also know that my book is important for all homeowners, inside and outside of Homeowners Associations. (It’s also a fun read!) I happen to know that a lot of libraries carry my book and it’s frequently loaned to other libraries across the country. That’s pretty good traction. I know, however, that I haven’t sold my book to all of you yet.

So….

During the month of June I’m going to GIVE my book to you FREE. Well, let me partially retract that. If you can honestly say you haven’t purchased my book because you are destitute and if you’ll pay for the postage and the envelope (approximately five bucks) I will send it to you for free. Geez, what other author has ever offered you THAT kind of deal? Oh yes, one other caveat: Once you finish the book you must make at least one other homeowner read it.

The information it contains is far more valuable than the paltry publishing royalties I get.

That’s all the huckstering… for now.

 

Blue State Blues

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Ever since I started using this website to try to hawk my book, Neighbors At War, I’ve been told by well-meaning friends and relatives, don’t ever attack Oregon. That state is so Blue it has a built-in guilt complex. Personal guilt hangs so heavy in the air in Oregon that these blue state leftists walk around in their hair shirts (see self-abuse by Monasteries) and lash their own backs with whips. It’s not the rainy weather that depresses them, it’s the load of guilt on their shoulders. I was promised I would never find a case of embezzling from neighbors in an Oregon Homeowners Association.

I should have obeyed my instincts. My heart tells me that mankind is desperately wicked and that all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God. I was right. My Oregonian friends (God love ’em), were wrong.

Comes, now, an attractive young fellow named David Kobbeman. The newspaper headline doesn’t mince words…. “Sentenced to 48 months in prison.”

There’s no way of telling how many widows he made penniless by embezzling a half million from his HOA. No way of telling how many bright-eyed youngsters will now not be able to afford college. And no way of telling how many sick babies might have found medical cures if their parents could have sold their homes and belongings to pay for new treatments.

The maddening thing….the damnably maddening thing I learned in my forty years as an investigative TV reporter is that the felons who have the absolutely most fun in federal prison are con-men. They are the king of the heap. Every criminal looks up to the con man. Every bank robber and baby molester makes a pilgrimage to the con-man’s cell. He IS THE KING!  The con-man is KING OF THE PRISON! He gets the best food, he gets the first cigarettes, he gets the best women!

Oooh, I guess I might have said a little too much, there. But yes, the con man gets the best women. Are there women in prison? That’s one of the secrets you learn if you’ve spent any time with a buddy who did a sentence at Lompoc or at another low security prison. If you’re high up in the ranks of prisoners, if you’re a con-man, you’re the warden’s good buddy. And yes, you’re occasionally taken into town to meet the ladies. And that warden wants to be seen around town with you.

Bottom line: spend your time swindling money from widows and orphans. When you’re jailed you be assured of having the best damn vacation of your life.

Believe it!

(Ok, now here’s the straight unvarnished, sanitized news:)

 

We’re Winning!

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Time was, you couldn’t get a journalist anywhere to listen to your rants about crooked HOAs. Calling the local TV station or newspaper was a loser’s game. The average person just didn’t have the clout to get a story out there.

Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Internet. Traditional media used to spit and hiss when they thought of all those “pajama-clad bloggers” out there mucking up the sewer pipes of information distribution. Now those journalists who wouldn’t listen to the hoi paloi are spitting into the wind as we just blow them away like so much dry chaff. Now, more people are reading websites like ours than are reading many big-city newspapers.

This link from a well-respected media outlet called “Scambusters” is pretty fun to read. We’re making an impact folks!

(link to ScamBusters)

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