An old joke by deadpan standup comedian Steven Wright ponders an amusing twist in the English language. He asks “Why we drive on a parkway, but we park on a driveway?”
Well, a Homeowners Association in Frisco, Texas may have solved half that riddle. Homeowners can no longer park on their own driveways in the Stonebriar Village HOA. All cars must be concealed in garages because they make a neighborhood look so ugly.
There are other things that make a neighborhood much uglier. Fascism. Bullying. Property values that never rise because Americans are waking up and paying attention to warnings about life in an HOA.
I thought I’d heard of everything, but readers of this blog site send me the most wonderful material. Homeowner association disputes go to cops and courts all the time. But the latest one from Forsyth County, Georgia got me chuckling.
A board member upset a homeowner who went home and told her husband. The husband then slimed the board member on Facebook. The board member promptly filed a police complaint saying he was afraid of this neighbor for a variety of reasons such as guns, alleged PTSD, and of all things….
Hold your breath….
This one is just too delicious not to post. When you live in a Homeowners Association that’s squandered $700,000 bringing the neighborhood close to bankruptcy, what do you do? That’s easy. You get involved in porn!
Yeah, you hire a property manager who’s been fabulously successful at writing kinky sex books.
That’s what the Woodlake Community Association in Chesterfield County, Virginia did. The community has been ripped apart by financial mismanagement. When the HOA board and property manager quit earlier this year they hired Bethany Halle, an author of 70 novels ranging from exotic to erotic. And she’s actually made some best seller lists with books about gay sex.
I have no idea if what’s linked below is the real deal. It’s posted by the Smithsonian Magazine which tends to give it some credibility. I’d feel more comfortable if this had been posted on an April Fools Day. But it’s a hilarious look at what life might have been like in a Homeowners Association in Britain in 1365.
(link to ancient HOA rules)
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(66 words, estimated 16 secs reading time)
Zillionare FaceBook founder Mark Zuckerberg is trying to start his own HOA in Palo Alto, California. He just doesn’t want anyone else to live there except him.
Understandably, when Zuckerberg built his own mansion he wanted some privacy and bought up all the homes around him. He can afford to toss around 38 million bucks. But he’s being sued by a couple who claim they were conned into selling their property at too low a price to a ‘mystery’ corporation that turned out to be Zuckerberg.