Merry Christmas & a Blessed New Year!
This video might be a little old. But it’s never too late to say, “Merry Christmas!”
Category Archives: Humor
How to be a Renegade in your HOA
guest blog by Deborah Goonan
In the festive spirit of the season, I thought it was time for a little HOA Humor. Here’s my list of how to have a little fun, stir up a bit of conflict, and make yourself infamous in the eyes of your HOA Board. Warning: could be hazardous to your health and your bank account. In the comments section, feel free to add suggestions of your own!
Paint your front door purple, without getting approval from the architectural control committee.
Leave your garbage can out on the curb more than 24 hours after trash pick up.
Swap out your thirsty landscape for a xeriscape. Or plant herbs or vegetables.
Fly the American flag, upside down, on a pole that is 6” too tall.
Display the wrong kind of plants or “unauthorized objects” in your flowerpot on your porch or patio.
Hang window coverings that are any color other than pure white on the side facing outside.
Allow children to play in the yard, and leave some toys on the front lawn.
Refuse to submit a DNA sample of your pet pooch.
Ask to see financial documents.
Insist that the Board get at least three competitive bids for contracts, instead of going with the same contractor, year after year, despite poor service.
And, finally, display the holiday décor of your choice, even religious symbols, inflatable snowmen, and blinking lights!
A Nod To Robin Williams
I’ve frequently said on this blog that our fight against HOA abuse is not a liberal/conservative fight, or a Republican/Democrat fight. It’s a fight by any patriot who believes our Constitution is a document worthy of the utmost respect. So if I tip my hat here to a performer at the 1982 convention of People For The American Way, I am not endorsing the organization.
I do think the performance by Robin Williams should be watched by everyone, especially in view of the vulgar meanness of many HOAs toward homeowners who want to display the American flag. In the video linked below, Williams takes the stage to become The American Flag and shows once again the comic genius that we all will miss.
Balance of Power in U.S. Senate Based On HOA Chickens?!?
Some stories are just too weird to embellish, even for the sake of humor. But the U.S. Senate seat from Iowa may boil down to a neighborhood dispute over chickens.
Democratic Congressman Bruce Braley is running for Senate in a razor thin race. Braley has a vacation home in the ritzy Holiday Lake neighborhood in Brooklyn, Iowa. Covenants in the neighborhood say, “No animals or birds other than household pets can be kept in the subdivision.” But one of Braley’s neighbors (also a registered Democrat) keeps chickens on her property as ‘therapy animals’ for mentally handicapped youngsters.
The chickens apparently strayed into the Braley’s yard and litigation was threatened. The owner of the chickens tried to make amends with a gift of eggs, but the Braleys wouldn’t have any part of that.
Now, there’s a hot new Iowa Republican attack ad with some talking chickens making fun of Braley’s threatened lawsuit. You can read the rest of the details at the links below, but the story is just too ridiculous for words.
If the balance of power in the U.S. Senate shifts in this election, finally, FINALLY folks in Congress might start talking about the idiocy and meanness of neighborhood disputes in Homeowners Associations.
(washington post take on the chicken dispute)
How to Create Conflict & Drama in Your Community
guest blog by Deborah Goonan
A Tongue-in-Cheek Guide for HOA Boards & Managers
1. Create as many rules as you can, the pickier, the better.
a. Be sure to create rules in closed session rather than an open meeting.
b. Optional: provide an announcement of the new rules only AFTER you have put them in effect. Then ignore any objections.
c. Rules created hastily as a knee-jerk reaction are guaranteed to cause maximum conflict.
2. Be inconsistent about enforcing the rules.
a. Allow friends and family to break rules. They will help you stay in power.
b. If you are a Board member, you can make up your own rules. If anyone challenges you, tell the resident you are entitled to special privileges for doing such a thankless job.
c. Use penalties for breaking rules as a weapon against residents you do not like, especially disgruntled troublemakers, or anyone who does not “fit in” with your expectations.
3. Drive through the community actively looking for violations, so you can start sending nasty letters and charging fines.
4. Encourage residents to turn in their neighbors for various violations of rules.
5. Be especially vigilant about citing the following groups with rule violations: the elderly, people with disabilities, single parents and their children, veterans, racial and ethnic minorities, and any resident that dares to question your competence, ethics, or authority.
6. Treat members like wayward children. Play the role of Strict Parent by scolding or talking down to them.
a. Post stern reminder notices about not breaking rules in public places and in the newsletter.
b. Repeat the mantra “the rules are the rules, and must be followed.”
7. Alternative: treat members like insubordinate employees. Play the role of Authoritarian Boss. Use bully tactics, swift and harsh penalties, and always speak in condescending tones. After all, you must keep the residents in line.
8. Find an unscrupulous HOA Attorney, and then keep him or her busy escalating disputes and running up legal fees for violators and the HOA.
9. Authorize expensive contracts for unnecessary “emergency” repairs and renovations, without a vote of residents.
a. Do not waste money on “boring” maintenance and repairs such as cleaning gutters, fixing plumbing leaks, or seal coating roads.
b. Focus your attention on “window dressing” and “fluff” instead.
10. Issue a special assessment to cover excess legal and maintenance costs.
a. Then move swiftly to lien and foreclose on residents that cannot afford to pay the special assessment.
