Yes, welcome to your new condo. You’re going to love living here. The neighbors all get along and we don’t seem to suffer the kinds of problems felt in many other Homeowners Associations. You’re buying into a little bit of Heaven, your own private home. Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Oh, we’re sorry we couldn’t give you copies of the covenants, the budget and insurance papers in time for your real estate closing. At the time you requested them, the paperwork was tied up in some minor snafu. But it’ll all get worked out soon.
Transfer fees are among the biggest scams in the housing business. North Carolina residents tried to get them outlawed. Colorado is trying. New Mexico is trying. Transfer fees are a ‘little’ item on your paperwork that pops up when you try to sell your home. If you live in a Homeowners Association of any kind you’re likely to learn that you have to pay the fee before you can sell to a buyer. Transfer fee. That means some property manager had to photocopy the HOA covenants, probably a hundred or so pages. But you don’t photocopy them one page at a time. No, they’re on his computer. Push one button and the printer spits them all out in a couple of minutes.
Crazy story from the city of Commerce in Los Angeles County. A community newspaper reported on a growing scandal involving an alleged two million dollar kickback scheme involving the mayor of Commerce and several city officials. At least two of the officials live in a gated community there. Now an HOA board member, in the foulest imaginable verbal assault, has told the newspaper delivery guy that he’s no longer allowed to deliver the paper to homeowners in the HOA.
In Greek mythology, the Hydra was a terrifying sea monster that had many heads and used them to devour innocent seafarers. Our hero, Heracles, forced the Hydra into the open and began chopping off its heads. But each time a head was severed two new ones grew back. It seemed like a hopeless task but Heracles was undaunted. He finally figured out that if he used a torch to cauterize each severed limb they failed to regrow.
Many of you have seen this promo before. It was a 2001 attempt by my TV station to videotape a Christmas and New Year’s greeting. As I recall we did more than a hundred takes and my Irish Setter puppy just wouldn’t cooperate. So I was blown away when our promotion team figured out a way to stitch together a promo that actually worked. I was exhausted. Here it is: