Category Archives: Religion

Another Wonderful Discovery

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I’ve concentrated far too heavily on the term “Homeowners Association,” using it as a generic term for HOAs, Condo Associations, Property Owners Associations, co-ops and all other forms of private government housing. But that means I’ve neglected to pay special attention to co-ops, the kind of housing agreements that are more common in New York than German Cockroaches.

(Sometime, remind me to tell you the story of how I was almost arrested for sex assault on a Times Square elevator! Yes, it involved a woman and a German Cockroach. Some things aren’t funny until much, much later.)

In  any event, Habitat Magazine is designed for New Yorkers who live in the parasitic environs of the ‘co-op.’ And they suffer along with the rest of us.

It seems that a New York prosecutor has suddenly discovered that fraud and embezzlement occasionally happen in New York co-ops. (Editor’s comment: “Duh.”)

They haven’t named the suspected management company, yet. But New Yorkers might someday discover what those of us in ‘fly-over’ country have known for years. YOUR ASSOCIATION IS CORRUPT!

Sad to say, but if you confer on some uneducated board member shmuck the ability to drain the co-op account, what in tarnation does that mean? It means your HOA board member is an embezzling shmuck! It’s the most unreported felony in the FBI crime stats! But New Yorkers are really just as stupid as the rest of us. They talk faster than we do. But they’re still just as stupid.

(Habitat Magazine’s article on co-op embezzlement case)

 

Bimbo erections Eruptions in Arizona!!!

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BIMBO erections ERUPTIONS IN ARIZONA!!!

Sorry. I guess my strike through function doesn’t work on headlines

But Arizona’s Bimbo eruptions are the new American Vesuvius. First comes the gas, then the pumice, finally the lava. And that’s how you make a volcano (take that, L. Ron Hubbard!)

Yes, it seems Michelle Ugenti, the Arizona Legislature’s permanently enshrined Bimbo, is now up to her lashy lush eyebrows in steamy sex mail with another, shall we say b-i-g fellow lawmaker. He must be big, because he doesn’t want any of this steam being released to the public. Divorce lawyers on both sides are going nuts, or at least crazy, trying to keep the lid on this simmering scandal. The Bimbo’s husband wants his hands on those emails but her attorney is arguing it’s personal business, and privileged legislative business to boot! Heck, we all know that legislators are constantly screwing the public. But these lawyers think that kind of activity is a private affair. Not so fast, wise guys! You can screw your lawyer, screw your paramour, BUT DO NOT SCREW THE TAXPAYER!

Take a bit of advice from an old investigative reporter who’s been through the courts in search of cell phone records before. Bimbo Ugenti’s lawyer is blowing, uh, er, smoke. Yeah, smoke. He’s wrong about Legislative privilege preventing the release of the Bimbo’s sexy texts. We proved that in Colorado. Our good old governor, our good old Denver Mayor both learned the hard way (ahem) that if a single dime of taxpayers’ money paid for cell phone bills or text messages, the voters had a right to see those records! An absolute right! They’re not private records if they traveled over a taxpayer funded phone system or if they traveled over a Legislative issued phone or device! Bimbo Ugenti is too much of a dumbo to keep her legislative account separate from her personal account. Forget the divorce arguments. Forget privacy arguments. FOLLOW THE MONEY! Use a newspaper or a TV station to sue for the Bimbo’s messages on behalf of the taxpayers of Arizona! We won in Colorado. You’ll win in Arizona.

Take my advice, and you’ll soon be able to officially name Arizona’s new Pompeii something like “Mt. Pompous-ass.”

(Link to Bimbo Ugenti’s troubles)

 

 

The Saddest Story

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OK Bunkie, I realize you haven’t always been tight with your old Gramps. I realize we’ve had some differences, and sometimes you just thought I wasn’t very smart in the ways of the world. Sometimes I’m wrong, I admit it. But sometimes you’re wrong and you should admit it.

So, Bunkie, pull your chair up real close and listen even if this is that last time I ever get to try to share some wisdom with you.

Remember when you said that buying your own place was the best investment you could ever make? Remember when I tried to talk you out of it? You said you’d take your grandma in as a  roommate to help you pay expenses?

But she died and now the HOA won’t let you have another roommate. They say it’s their decision and you can’t stop it. They’re telling you the only way you can stop it is to take them to court.

Bunkie, don’t fall for a sucker’s game! They know they’re going to win. They know that even if you win a decision in court, that court case will have cost you a quarter million dollars.

Sweetie, please listen. When you bought your condo you chose to live under a Communist form of government. I’m not trying to be overly dramatic. Those are just the facts. For the first time in our nation’s history you can make a conscious decision to join a totalitarian political party. It’s sneaky. But it’s all built around the illusion of home ownership. You gave up your rights to be an American and you can’t get them back.

Please don’t cry, Sweetie. It’s just a strange time in our history where the decisions you make really do mean something.

(How much is that condo worth now?)

 

Starting a New Month

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OK, some straight talk, here. We have a ton of people coming to this website. Those people are reading an average of 250,000 to 300,000 pages of our material each month. BUT THAT DOESN’T CUT IT!

Those of you who’ve read my book, Neighbors At War, know that it has a tremendous amount of important material that never makes it onto this website. You also know that my book is important for all homeowners, inside and outside of Homeowners Associations. (It’s also a fun read!) I happen to know that a lot of libraries carry my book and it’s frequently loaned to other libraries across the country. That’s pretty good traction. I know, however, that I haven’t sold my book to all of you yet.

So….

During the month of June I’m going to GIVE my book to you FREE. Well, let me partially retract that. If you can honestly say you haven’t purchased my book because you are destitute and if you’ll pay for the postage and the envelope (approximately five bucks) I will send it to you for free. Geez, what other author has ever offered you THAT kind of deal? Oh yes, one other caveat: Once you finish the book you must make at least one other homeowner read it.

The information it contains is far more valuable than the paltry publishing royalties I get.

That’s all the huckstering… for now.

 

You Can’t Go Home Again

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Often, when I’m writing or researching material to post on this column, I find myself feeling a little down, knowing how many people have lost their homes or their peace-of-mind while trying to do battle with the scandalously corrupt Homeowners Association movement. I get hundreds of emails each day from people who’ve lost their homes or their net worth while trying to battle a movement that operates completely outside the guarantees of the First, Second and Fifth Amendments to the Constitution. Yes, as many of you know it can be a little depressing. Still, I’m not a negative personality. I always look for hope and pray for change.

On these long evenings that I set aside for research, I often have music playing in the background to keep my mind on an even keel. Right now, one of my favorites, James Taylor, is playing his song, Copperline.

It’s a song about his youth in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. He sings about the row of moonshine stills along Morgan Creek which ran about a half mile from his boyhood home, and the magnificent night he lost his virginity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSSqnBfgBsQ

“Took a fall from a windy height, I only knew how to hold on tight.

pray for love enough to last all night, down on Copperline,

Day breaks and the boy wakes up and the dog barks and the birds sing and the sap rises and the angels sigh,

“Tried to go back as if I could, all spec-house and plywood,

Tore up, and tore up good, down on Copperline.”

Chapel Hill, these days, is infested with the ‘new housing model’ which takes all the old neighborhoods and embeds them in the kind of concentrated, regulated housing that makes it impossible for our young to experience the complete innocence of youth. “All spec-house and plywood, tore up and tore up good….” It makes one want to weep for the destruction of the innocence we all wish we could have passed on to our children.

Thomas Wolfe, also a North Carolinian, wrote the 1940 novel, You Can’t Go Home Again, five words which are probably as true as any spoken. We can’t go home. Yes, we can return to the geographic spot where, in our youthful exuberance, we created memories and romance that can never be experienced again. But those moments of youthful innocence are gone forever.